I'm Retired! Now what?

I suppose one of the most important things to keep an eye on when you become of retirement age is watching where you put that next step so you don’t have to scream out, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”  Perhaps the next most important thing is watching your money so you don’t have to scream out, “I’ve gone broke, and I don’t have money to eat!”  One of the greatest perks about working for a large corporation like Margaret and I did is the fact that they have a pretty decent financial firm handling all of our retirement and finance needs, and like any good, responsible future retiree, Margaret and I had met with them a year or so before we got the retirement axe.  In return, like any good responsible financial institution, they pawned us off on another financial planning institution.  No worries though, because we love this firm as well as our financial planner, even though I don’t understand half the financial stuff she bounces off me.  I just smile a lot and nod my head as she throws all those heavy finance terms at me.  I came from a family where my mom was a professional bookkeeper and lived by the firm belief if there was .000000001% chance of losing two cents, the risk is too great!  My dad, on the other hand, held the belief in carrying his life savings around in the pocket full of loose change that he always seemed to have.

This past month my financial planning firm’s CEO was coming down to Dallas for a “Connect” as they like to call it.  The word connect meaning, “Let’s all hang out and talk about money and socialize a bit.”  This was the first time that such an event had taken place in Dallas so I felt a bit obligated to take this one in.  Especially since my money planner kept telling me I should be there.  With the idea that one should never rile those who are in charge of your financial future, I jotted the event down in my planner.

Financial seminar or connect or whatever these things are called are a little bit out of my comfort zone. I’m guessing that most of the folks who attend these things spent more money on their last vacation than I did for my last car.  Then again, I’m the same guy who can go to the Dallas Symphony and then turn around and go to a Japanese screamo/metal concert.  I’ve always considered myself a social chameleon, meaning that I can adapt to my surroundings, but I still wasn’t sure how I should dress for such an outing.  Should I go with Dallas Symphony attire or Japanese screamo/metal band attire?  My financial planner just told me to go business casual.  During the last thirty or so years at my job I had worn shorts and tee shirts to work so in my line of work that was business casual.  Oh well, as long as I didn’t have to rent a tux, I figured I was good.  I just slapped on a pair of slacks, found a shirt that Margaret thought was presentable, and off I went. 

Margaret decided that such an event required way too much socializing for her tastes.  With the fear that she might have to say “hello” to someone, my wife told me that I could go and socialize in the Dallas financial world as a solo.  I was actually kind of excited about who I might see there.  Maybe I’d run into an ex-player for the Dallas Mavericks or the Dallas Cowboys!  Okay, I wouldn’t know an ex-Dallas Cowboy player even if he spilled a glass of Dom Pérignon on me, but I figured there might be a chance of running into my old boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss.   Who knows?  My old company is headquartered in Dallas.

The event was taking place at the Gaylord Hotel in Grapevine on the edge of Big D.  Driving into the resort I could tell that this was a step up from the Motel 6 which I’m accustom.  Yup, you’ve got to love a hotel that has its own marina.  Pulling into the parking garage, I was afraid my trusty 2009 Chevy truck would be shunned, but I didn’t really see anything in the garage that was overly intimidating other than a BMW or two.   I was starting to think that maybe I should have worn shorts and a tee shirt.

I don’t know how many staircases and escalators I had to cruise up, but I was starting to feel like I was at a gym, but once I found the ballroom where the festivities were being held, I grabbed a couple of free cookies and looked for a seat.  There was a lot of meeting and greeting going on outside the ballroom, but I didn’t see anyone who looked the slightest bit interested in talking to me, so while everyone hung around outside trading stock tips and European vacation stories I wandered into the empty ballroom.  As I looked at all the empty seats I had to wonder if there was indeed a seating chart.  Was the Lexus, BMW, and Mercedes folks supposed to take the front seats, followed by the Accura and Buick crowd, leaving the “vehicle out of warranty” people like me in the rear.  Actually, there was nothing like that going on, so I took a seat on the front row.

For a few short seconds I actually felt a bit elitist because I had met the guy who kicked off the afternoon’s festivities.  Then again, he was the local branch manager which means everyone in the room had probably met the guy at one time or another.  However, the star of the show was the firm’s CEO who had flown down from Kansas City.  As the gentleman took the stage I suddenly felt a bit overdressed considering he was wearing blue jeans and white tennis shoes.  I guess when you’re worth ten billion bucks you can wear whatever the heck you want to.  He gave us the whole run down on politics vs. finance.  His money philosophy fell under the idea that finances don’t follow blue or red politics.  Finances are green, and the money world doesn’t care who is president!  As he closed, the guy left us with the thought that it’s nice to leave a lot of money to your kids to enjoy, but make sure you enjoy the heck out of it first.  And it’s also good to leave money to charity, but charity given by warm hands is more fulfilling than charity given by cold ones.  In short, he was telling us, “You’ve earned your freaking bucks!  YOU enjoy them while you’ve still got a heartbeat!”

After we were told to enjoy our hard-earned bucks, we had a little cyber security lesson which basically covered all the dangers of those shady folks out there who are eagerly wanting to help us enjoy our money…all of our money!  With thoughts of our bank accounts being drained, we all left the room for a little meet and greet time.  As everyone socialized with the free cookies, I was feeling a bit out of my element.  Our money guy talked about how there were a few company CEOs in the crowd for the afternoon, and this made me wonder if I was the only person there who had ever experienced the joys of working the night shift while getting paid by the hour.  Okay, so much for being a chameleon in this crowd.

I did run into my financial planner who, of course, wanted to know where Margaret was.  I quickly told her that Margaret was home making sure that the cushions didn’t leave the couch.  Someone had to do it.  What I really found cool though, was when my advisor introduced me to a new member of their team who had dropped down from the headquarter office with the boss man.  I had received emails from this young lady, but I had never actually met her.  I do believe she might have been the only person in attendance that was too young to remember the Regan administration or the Cliton administration for that matter…maybe even Bush.  Not only was she simply adorable, but she was just bubbling with personality.  And here I thought all the good looking, cool chicks in college where in the Journalism Broadcasting school with me.  I should have spent more time checking out the finance majors.

Indeed, I probably could have talked to that young lady all day, but some dude walking around with a chime told us that breaktime was over.  Not only was breaktime over, but so was the day’s money talk.  The entertainment for the day was the photographer Platon.  Okay, I’d never heard of the guy, but he was an amazing speaker who told tales of photographing everyone from Pamela Anderson to Stephen Hawking and secretly meeting Edward Snowdend somewhere in Russia.  He gave quite the insight on photography and how sometimes it’s not pretty or safe for that matter.  While giving the low down on photographing several U.S. presidents he mentioned how a photography session with another world leader had a rather unusual security clearance.   A security clearance that entailed laser target dots dancing around on his chest.  You never hear stories like that when the Sport Illustrated Swimsuit issue is discussed.

The day ended with more socializing.  A little meat and treat this time with free food and an open bar!  Okay, time to get sloppy drunk with all the investors and retirees.  Actually, I had one beer, and I only drank that because I couldn’t find where the bottled water was being dished out.   I’m guessing that the bottled water came from the same bar as the beer, but that’s my reason for drinking beer and I’m sticking to it!  As I milled around, I heard a couple of guys chatting about needing to find some good lenders while some dude was on the phone discussing how he was either hiring or firing an engineer.  I merely found the cute company girl and spent the rest of the time talking to her.  We all have our priorities.