Well, we brought our shiny, new SUV home a couple of days ago, and now I finally get to know what that famous NEW CAR SMELL is all about! I grew up in a family that had always settled for the USED CAR SMELL which sounds a bit like the name of some pre grunge, new wave rock band. Not only did Margaret get that blessed dark mahogany pearl color that she seemed to be so obsessed with, but she got her two tone, brown and tan leather seats as well. Hopefully, that will keep her happy for a few months. Now comes the big challenge which is of course, learning how to use all that fancy stuff which I’m paying that extra twelve thousand bucks for!
Before we laid eyes on our new baby our salesman was more than happy to tell us all the optional addons he thought we might want. There was the special coverage that protects against all the door dings and windshield chips and this and that and that and this and…. well, after I was already shelling out nearly fifty thousand dollars for the vehicle I was like, “What’s another couple of hundred bucks and then another couple of hundred bucks and then another couple of hundred bucks and more this and that and that and this. There was the anti-theft coverage which I’m still not sure I completely understand. The kid kept telling me what a break I’ll get on my insurance with this addon, and I was wondering if I’ll get enough of a break to break even. I always liked my cousin’s anti-theft feature on his car which consisted of a loaded, 45 automatic pistol stashed under his seat. At this point I was falling into the “You don’t buy a new car every day, so you might as well have it all” feeling, meaning that I had become a bit of a sucker.
The fun part came when I decided to add the extra feature which allowed me to start the car with my cellphone. I’m not sure why I would ever want to start my car with a cellphone, but it was just so darn cool I couldn’t resist it. In order to do this, I had to come up with a password with certain symbols and numbers. Okay, I’m no stranger to passwords. At work we had to change them every six weeks, and with all my bank accounts, concert ticket accounts, credit card accounts, vacation broker accounts, utility accounts, and a few accounts I really don’t have a clue what they’re for, I’ve got over 100 passwords! However, for some weird reason I couldn’t figure out how to make a password for this blessed car app!
I have to give some major praise to the kid who was selling me the car. He should be sainted as the patron saint of car salespeople for being so patient with me and helping me through this app password fiasco. Although I’ve had cellphones for years, I felt like some ninety-year-old with hair sprouting out of my ears who was still living with a rotary dial phone at home while this kid assisted me. I almost expected him to say, “Now gramps. This is a magical device we call the phone. You can talk to someone in another room with it. Amazing huh? You could have really used such a technological breakthrough back in your days while fighting in the Civil War.” Okay, maybe I wasn’t quite that bad, but I did feel like I was struggling with the blessed app way more than I should have been. Margaret was far more interested in how her beloved dark mahogany pearl was going look like in good sunlight. And by the way, according to the internet, Saint Francis of Rome is the patron saint of car salespeople.
I think some of my text books in college were smaller than the owner’s manual for this car, and I have to wonder if one could get college credits for learning how to use all the cool stuff this vehicle has shoved into it. Personally, I still wanted a CD player, but Margaret diligently listened to our salesmen as they sat in the car together discussing climate features, the heated steering wheel, the heated seats, the 360-degree cameras, and a host of other cool stuff. While he was delivering the crash course I merely stood outside. To be truthful, I was scared to go near the thing.
Our new Subaru Forester is truly a thing of beauty, and it looks really great sitting in our garage, which now makes me feel the need to devote a few days to clean my garage. Such a beautiful SUV shouldn’t have to be forced to live in such a dirty garage.
The guys at my insurance office were beside themselves when they found out I had bought a Subaru. Apparently, such a vehicle holds a high standard in the insurance world. I was more amazed on how young the kid was who was handling the policy for me. Are there nothing by kids running the world now? Young car salesmen? Young insurance agents? Good gosh, I’m starting to see a pattern forming here. Everyone is so young! I guess that’s one of the realizations you face when you retire.
I'm Retired! Now what? 
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