August 28, 2026
In the level of life’s travesties, a flat tire may seem pretty minuscule, but when you’re ready to hit the road, the deplorable sight of the flat tire can be downright catastrophic! As far as I’m concerned, changing a flat is a basic knowledge that all drivers should know, and I’ve had women tell me that their fathers would not allow them to drive a car until they demonstrated proof that they could change a tire. This, of course, does not pertain to all women, and even though my dear, sweet wife has held a driver’s license since the late 1970’s, she has never changed a tire. When I asked my last boss about her tire changing skills, the twenty-eight-year-old with a master’s degree simply replied, “I have Tripple A.”
A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to hone my tire changing skills a bit when I ventured down into Deep Ellum in Dallas, Texas to take in Fight Night at the Bomb Factory. After five or six hours of standing around the boxing ring watching a bunch of guys beat the heck out of each other, I couldn’t wait to sit down on my drive home. However, this was not to be, and as I wandered into a dark parking lot on Commerce Street, I discovered the deplorable fact that my front passenger side tire was no longer of the round nature. Yea, it was flat.
Of course my first reaction was the same one that everyone carries when they encounter a flat tire, and that was simply, “How the heck did that happened!?!?!!?” Did some tree hugging environmentalist see my big, gas devouring Chevy Silverado as a threat to the planet and slash my tire in protest? Then again, environmental extremists usually don’t slash tires. They generally just key vehicles they don’t like, and honestly, my poor truck is scratched up to the point that I probably wouldn’t had noticed such a violation. Especially during the late evening hours of Deep Ellum. Then I remembered that street curb I had hit earlier in the evening. Or, the curb that hit me!
Driving in Dallas isn’t exactly dream material, but driving in Deep Ellum can be a freaking nightmare! When I started the day’s adventure, I had driven down to my buddy Paul’s house with high hopes that he would greet me with, “I have a newer vehicle than you, and I drive in Dallas to work every day. Indeed, I would love to drive!” That was not to happen though, and the guy pleaded with me by promising that he’d buy lunch if I agreed to drive. Finding no good excuse not to drive, I took mercy on him, and we loaded up in my full-size pickup truck. Well, trucks are great for highway driving, but once it leaves the freeway bad things begin to happen. Deep Ellum has never been an easy place to drive through to begin with. So take a bad situation and add construction at every turn, along with congested traffic, tons of pedestrians, and cars parallel parked along both sides of the streets while facing all of this in a big ass pickup truck and…….well, it’s just a pain in the neck.
With construction going on left, right, and in front of me I had to make a sharp right turn without hitting the other twelve cars that were trying to go this way and that way. Suddenly I felt a big BUMP! Okay, I had hit a curb, or as I like to say, “It hit me.” No big deal, right? I merely drove on down the street and pulled into a public parking lot. I had hit a few curbs in the past. Of course there was that time I hit a curb in a mall parking lot and blew out both right side tires, but that’s one of those, once in a life time things, right? When I first saw I had a flat I figured I had just picked up a nail somewhere due to all the construction. Such didn’t matter though. The big question was, “Do I remember how to change a tire?” And the more important question, “Is the spare flat?”
Fortunately, I had suffered through a flat on my truck during the last few weeks of my work life. What? That was a good thing? Well, yes and no. I’ve had my trusty Chevy Silverado since 2009, and during that time I had never had to change a tire. Therefore meaning, I didn’t have a freaking clue where the jack was located or how to lower the spare and all that other tire changing stuff. I also didn’t realize that those fancy, cool lug nuts on my wheels were merely plastic covers! Geez, is nothing sacred anymore? During that little escapade one of my work buddies gave me a hand, and we figured it all out in the Texas Instruments parking lot in broad daylight. We also discovered that after 17 years of never being used, my spare was flat. So, it was fortunate that I had gone through that nightmare earlier in the year and had a bit of a clue concerning what to do. I shiver at the thought of trying to hash all that out in some dark, Deep Ellum parking lot at ten o’clock at night, especially with a flat spare.
Trying to find a black jack and all the other tire changing tools (which are also black) in a cab with black interior at night can be a bit of a challenge. I’m tempted to spray paint them all florescent orange! Fortunately, there was a little light in the Dallas public parking lot, and Paul was there to help me. I’m actually surprised that one of the Dallas homeless didn’t come up to assist me. They always seem to want to help me park, and I’ve even had homeless guys offer to wash my car while in Deep Ellum. However, I guess changing a flat looked like too much work. Oh well, I had it figured out. Well, kind of. I was having a little trouble getting the spare on when Paul pointed out the fact that I was putting it on backwards. “I knew that,” I quickly mumbled. Okay, I didn’t, but I probably would have eventually figured it out.
I’m always nervous when tightening lug nuts. In the past I’ve been known to put too much muscle to them and twisted them right off. I’ve also been known not to put enough power, which resulted in the tire flying off during the ride. But the merciful gods of tire changing were with me for the evening. I didn’t twist off any lug nuts and as an added bonus, the spare was in good shape. Even more importantly, I didn’t have to fight off any muggers, and much to my surprise, I carried out the entire procedure without shedding a drop of blood! Now that’s a victory in itself! And yea, the flat tire had a big split on the side. That darn curb!
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